Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
