I hope mine doesn't look like that
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
