All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
