By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
