i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
