There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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