There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
