What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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