Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
