I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize