i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
COCAINE IS GR8
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
