Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
