next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
