Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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