I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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