a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
