Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
