Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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