allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
ugly people sure do ruin things
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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