i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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