I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
