Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
