While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i drank out of a bidet.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
