i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
