Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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