I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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