why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
