girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
