I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
