I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
