do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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