Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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