It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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