Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
