The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
