i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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