people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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