why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
