i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
