She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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