i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
