Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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