Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
