Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
