I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
