so explain again why im purple
no
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
