I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
