The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
