Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I didn't shave. On purpose
Apparently you make a good broom.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
