3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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