can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
