a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
