Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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