In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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