i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
