I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
