Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
