no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
