this just has baby written all over it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
