yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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