quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
