Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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