I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
