you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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