dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
